04/04/21

04/04/21

Today whilst updating my workflow and doing some admin work, I was listening to the slowed and reverb versions of the songs, Space Song (by Beach House) and Apocalypse (by Cigarettes After Sex), and I started to reflect on life lessons that I myself have learnt. I've been having some problems with my sister recently, as she can be quite immature and childish at times, and comes across that she is not living in the real world, she is living in her own world where she needs to be put first, and things need to go her way, and if they don't, its unbelievable and she can't deal with it. It made me realise how much I've grown from bad experiences in my life, such as my parents breaking up and having to break up with my ex boyfriend, as these moments both impacted me a lot and were really hard. My parents broke up the week of my 13th birthday, and it was a massive reality check for me, because that was when I learnt that life isn't fair, and bad things happen to you, they happen to everyone, and there is not point getting hung up on it because you can't change it, all you can do is accept it and move on. Life becomes easier when you don't put yourself on a pedestal, when you stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop acting as if its wrong when something in your life goes sour, because its not wrong, its life and it happens, and life becomes so much easier when you accept that bad things are going to happen, because you don't get so surprised by it. Every negative thing in your life will benefit you in someway or another, whether that's a life check/reality check, or it makes you stronger, or teaches you a life lesson, and for me during this project I've learnt that's why I can see through the mask of social media, that's why I try to be transparent, because the negative times in my life have allowed me to mature enough to do so, and I'm so glad I did this project as it's allowed me to pick this apart, and learn what matters. This is life, this is the real world, what I feel right now is real, not the bullshit that you see on social media, that isn't real, its a concept, its fake, it doesn't exist, it only exists because people allow it to, and I can make my life whatever I want it to, because I am in charge of who I am, I determine that, not my followers on instagram, not the people who judge me for my decisions, as their opinions only matter if I allow it to matter, and I don't. When I broke up with my ex boyfriend, I did it due to how he was in our relationship, because he wasn't very nice to me, and I met someone who was, and I did what was right for me and put myself first, and because of this I am happier than I was then. I didn't listen to the rumours people spread, I didn't give attention to the people who were judging, because they didn't know what was going on, they weren't involved, and for me this story has the same energy as my project theme of not letting peoples opinions on you determine who you are, because none of this shit matters, there are people in hospital beds dying of chronic illnesses, who would only dream of having what I have, and instead, I wasted time caring too much about how I was perceived online, and none of this matters.

This realisation point has made me realise why I picked this topic for my project, as it something I needed to put more thought into and open up, and now this project can act as a means for other people to do the same with their lives, and start living in the real world and prioritise the things that truly matter in life instead of focussing on the superficial aspects. Feeling like this has really inspired to make a video outcome to support my photography outcome idea, and the video would visually be different shots and small clips and slow motion actions, such as videoing the movement photography where myself and others will be shaking ourselves around, video areas around where I live where I have had real life experiences, and maybe even a clip of me smashing something as a metaphor of the feeling of breaking free and understanding. I want the audio to be me talking and saying all of this, unrehearsed, completely real and not scripted at all, to contextualise the clips being shown. Today has been a great today contextually as I have really gotten a lot out of this project.

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